Beauty and the Beast

"...Artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up."

- V for Vendetta (2005)

Recently, I have frequently been driving to and fro between my home, work and the hospital where our baby (eventually) will be delivered. In that time I have been listening to the soundtrack of the Broadway production of "Beauty and the Beast". It is one of my favorite movie scores, and the additional songs and orchestration that were written for the stage improve it further. As I listen to the music, I often find myself singing along with the characters and watching the film in my minds eye. It has been some years since I have actually watched the animated Disney version, and so I think that I had started to forget some of the scenes that don't have songs in them. I was reminded today, though, of one of these scenes while listening to the score. Gaston has made his way to the tower of the great castle, an arrow nocked on his bowstring. Sighting the beast across the room, Gaston releases the arrow, and the shaft buries itself into the Beast's back. As the beast roars with pain, Gaston rushes him, and kicks the Beast through the nearby window, and onto the balcony. As the Beast pulls himself up, Gaston delivers another blow, sending the Beast sprawling downward onto a buttress at the edge of a chasm. The beast, having lost his first love and his last chance, doesn't have the will to get up and defend himself from the onslaught. Gaston pulls one of the heavy stone sconces off the edge of the buttress, and holding it like a club, advances on the beast. Just then, the beast catches sight of Belle, who has come back to warn him. Gaston brings the club swinging down, and the beast catches it with a clawed hand, stopping it. Rising up to his full height, the Beast towers over his attacker, baring his fangs and emitting a feral snarl as he meets him in combat. At that moment Gaston's expression changes to one of surprise and undeniable fear. To me, this is one of the best moments in the whole movie.

Let me explain, I have always had a special dislike for people who are arrogant, self centered, or just garden variety rude. It is the source of many of my prejudices, when I somehow perceive that members of a certain group have a stronger tendency to be inconsiderate towards others, such as Cadillac drivers who cut people off and act like they own the road, because they own a Cadillac. I also have a tendency to feel this way about people who drive very large Ford Trucks (coughcompensatingcough). Some people go beyond being inconsiderate, and treat people with cruelty, preying on those they consider inferior to themselves (which includes almost everybody). Such cruel behavior and blatant disregard for the needs and feelings of others is not confined to the streets. Almost everybody knows such a person, and many secretly wish they would be hit by a falling tree.

During high school, I gave a lot of thought to why people act the way they do, especially those who are cruel and egotistical (of which there is no shortage in high school). I was especially confused about why those people who treated me worst were the people who seemed to have the most friends. It seemed incongruous. Then, one day, someone explained to me the one key element that controls and dictates almost every social relationship that surrounds such a person.

Fear.

Fear and the power that fear can hold over people is a powerful force in every relationship from a schoolyard bully, to an abusive spouse, to a ruthless corporate executive. But many innocuous relationships, those that seem to be friendly, can also be permeated by this use of manipulation. Imagine, if you will, a high school party, all the cool kids are there, and everybody has a great time. Did you catch it? The fear? It really is that subtle. Nobody at the party realizes that they have been gently manipulated by their popular host. "All the cool kids were there". Most of the guests at the party were thinking about who was at the party, and especially grateful that they themselves were at the party. Almost nobody thinks about who is not at the party.

Those who were not invited, the unpopulars, the off beats, the nerds, the dorks, "that weird kid" and all the others like them were not there. Some of the people in this group were hurt by the exclusion. Others didn't notice, or didn't care. Others got together and had their own party, which the popular kids probably would have called "super lame". But their existence, as a group of people who are excluded from the cool peoples caste, creates a threat that constantly tears at the subconscious of every person at that cool party. All the people at the party know that they stand on a razor's edge, that by trying too hard, or not hard enough, they could fall into that excluded group. A single misstep, a careless word, a single moment could find them out of favor with the host. Its like catching leprosy, and as soon as you are tainted, everybody else shuns you, for fear of being cast off themselves.

But we started by talking about Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast. He isn't one of these people at the party, oh no. He's throwing the party. He is the manipulator. He is the person that is holding control over all these people, and causing them to willingly live in fear. He is the person whose cruelty and arrogance everybody at the party mimics, trying to get his popularity to rub off. It begs the question, "If everybody else acts the way they do because the host is acting cruel and arrogant, why is the host cruel and arrogant? Why does he go to great lengths to hold power over others? The answer is the same.

Fear.

Even the most popular, and the coolest kids are fearful that they will be found out. They know that if they let their mask slip for even a minute, they can be exposed as just another person. The host is terrified that everyone is going to realize that he is just another insecure teen that doesn't really know what he's doing or what the future will hold, struggling with homework and whether he's going to make it to the end of the week, let lone college. So he clings to the power that he has over others, like a tyrant who hopes each day that his subjects won't rise up in rebellion. The more inadequate and confused he feels, the crueler he becomes, trying to maintain his image.

So Gaston, rejected by a pretty girl and with the whole town in tow, goes to challenge the person that has shattered his image and taken away his power. Which brings us to the scene on the roof. Everything is going exactly the way that Gaston is accustomed to. He is the bully and his victim is capitulating, and soon, he will take the ultimate power over the beast, by taking his life. Suddenly, the beast stands up to Gaston, and the bully's mask is stripped away. We get a rare glimpse at the true nature of the bully, the fear that he has covered desperately for years.

This is the reason that I love this moment. I love to see a person, who pretends to be something they're not, slapped in the face with harsh reality. There is a certain poetic justice, I think, when a person like that is put in his place. Maybe its a personal prejudice because I was one of those kids that tried to be cool and failed miserably. Maybe I'm just a fan of irony. But I will always smile to myself when I see a Cadillac pulled over by a police officer.

Nostalgia

Reading another blog, one that I try to follow despite my proclivity to distraction, I found two words that I really found appealing. One was proclivity, which I just found an opportunity to use. The second was the word "Nostalgia", which is one that constantly takes on new meaning. Well, maybe the definition of the word hasn't changed. Rather, what I actually feel nostalgic about has changed.

Nostalgia is usually a sort of wishful thinking, a desire to return to the happiness of a former place and time. When I was in the Missionary Training Center, I would sometimes think of the good times that I spent in high school and our first year of college when I spent every weekend eating popcorn and watching "Into the Woods" with my closest friends. (Yes, we watched Sondheim several times a month). Once I left for China and became a missionary, I pined for the friendship and cheesecake that was available daily in the MTC. Not to mention the fact that I regretted not making more of my study time and opportunity to learn Cantonese. After I returned to the States, I looked back on the mission with fondness, and constantly had dreams about being a missionary still.

I could go on and on, but the point is, whenever you move into a new phase of life you have a tendency to look back and long for the good times that you left behind. There is only one thing about this that doesn't make sense. All the time that you're looking back on the good things you had, you are also thinking about the next phase of life, when things are going to be so much better. The present is the one phase that we tend to think badly of, no matter how positively we anticipated it in the past, or how fondly we look back on it later on.

I'm as guilty as anybody on this score. Since I started as a manager, I have thought a lot about the good old days when I used to sit around with my coworkers and chat, soaking up the summer sun and smelling the rain coming in on the wind. I think about those simple days at that work site when everything made sense, I didn't have to worry about training new staff or making schedules or wonder whether people were going to show up for their shifts. At the same time I think about how a promotion would fix all my problems (supposedly). The thought that a promotion would mean working only 9 to 5, give me back my evenings and weekends and provide a worthwhile salary. The result is that you find yourself thinking positively about every situation except the one your in.

I really don't want this blog to become a series of preachy posts about how to live a positive and happy life, but this is an observation that just recently came to my mind. Perhaps it would be better to think about the good that we have in our life in the here and now. I will be the first to admit that there are less than exciting aspects to any life. But they are a part of life, and a necessary part of life.

Embarassing Tyrade

It has been said by some that I have the temperament and demeanor of a Teddy Bear. Actually they didn't use those words, they just called me a teddy bear. But I know what they meant.

I guess its true. I seek peoples respect, and I strive to be the nicest person that I can manage to be. One decision that has helped me to achieve this is to not sweat the small stuff. I don't allow myself to get upset unless it is really really important that I do. My thought process is very third year econ student oriented. Does the benefit of the outcome of me getting upset outweigh the negative impact that it will have on others, including the person that I am mad at? The answer, the majority of the time, is "No".

There is two reasons for this. One, the outcome of getting upset is usually either negative or none. Most often, when someone gets upset and makes a big deal out of something, everyone ends up with hurt feelings, and nobody feels better about the outcome. Usually, only the person who won the fight or argument feels good about the encounter. It is very rare that negativity and negative energy leave people feeling good. As far as trying to correct peoples bad behavior, the same holds true. People who are wrong, stupid, insensitive, prejudiced, and your plain old, run of the mill morons are going to continue to be so, probably for the rest of their lives. Just because you are indignant or correct them doesn't mean that they are going to change that.

The second reason is that, not only is the gain usually minor or nonexistent, but the costs can be devastating. Too often I hear about people who are good friends, getting into an argument about something that is trivial, and ending up with hurt feelings. There was never any intent to insult or upset, but it happens anyway. Someone allows it to become a big deal. Its because people forget that being right is less important than a friendship. Again, getting upset and making a big deal out of something is usually just going to cause hurt feelings.

I do admit that there are occasions where it is appropriate to speak out, to get upset. Indeed, there are times when you have to. Justice and liberty are principles that hold our society together. The people in that society are the protectors of those liberties. So, when people are being abusive, or taking away the rights of another, it is more than appropriate to speak up and put someone in their place. We just have to be careful how we approach situations where someone is out of line, and be careful that we don't end up finding ourselves out of line.

Case in point, a couple days ago, I was reading through blogs, one of which is written by a friend of mine. I found a second, with a similar title and theme. In one of the posts on the second blog, I was shocked to find that the author had made the audacious claim that he was the author of both blogs and that one was really his experiences, and the other was a work of fiction. I was outraged at such a claim, thinking that my friend was the victim of some sort of plagiarism. I quickly sent him an email, telling him of my findings, and advising him to take strong action. In my mind, the plagiarist was cheapening my friend's experiences, by claiming them to be his own. After hastily and hotly writing this email, I discovered that my friend not only knew about the "offending" blog, but the post in question was an April Fools joke, perpetrated in collaboration by the two bloggers (who are also friends).

In conclusion, I try to remember that there are very few things that are important in this world. Our families, friends, and our freedoms are worth fighting for. But its most likely that opinions on global warming, the appearance of a neighbors lawn, or the words that someone chooses poorly are not going to be the important battles that you think they will be in the heat of the moment. If you really do feel it is important to say something, to express your frustrated opinion, then do what I do. Write a strongly worded letter. Just think it over really thoroughly before you send it.

Road to Carson City

I never thought of myself as a climber of corporate ladders, but I find myself doing a lot of it lately.

On Friday, I sent a cover letter, resume, and letter of recommendation to the Directors of the Reno/Carson City and Las Vegas Chrysalis programs. There is an open Associate director position in both areas. I had some doubt as to whether I was qualified for a promotion after only a few months as a house manager. In the end, I decided that the worst that could happen is that I may not get the job and I stay in Salt Lake City. So far, I have felt really good about the prospect of starting a new job. The only thing that is stressful is the prospect of moving away to a new city, new job, new apartment, in sum, a new life.

Its only been a couple days, and since its Memorial Day weekend, nobody has even been in the office since I sent my credentials. I've still been checking my email for a reply. I probably won't get a reply until the position listing closes and they start calling up applicants for interview appointments. But still, I check for any kind of acknowledgment from the higher ups that will decide my fate. Anything that will give me a hint whether I will be dismissed or have a shot at something that would be monumental for my family.

There are several things about this promotion that would be incredible, not the least of which is the money. It would mean that for the first time, I would be making enough money to support my family on one income. My wife would be able to be at home as much as she needed and do part time work if she wants to, not because she needs to. It would give me the opportunity to continue in the field that I love, and stay with the company that has been so good to me. And most exciting of all, it gives Claire and I a chance to have a whole new set of experiences and opportunities, a brand new adventure.

As my coworker, John, pointed out to me, one of the biggest disadvantages to getting this promotion is that I would have to live in Nevada. Even worse, I'm in either Las Vegas, which is a city that has more than its share of moral decay and seedy locations, or I'm in Carson City, which is the smallest and second most remote state Capitol in the nation. Basically a little city like the one I grew up in, except with more in-the-middle-of-the-desert-ness. But I think I'm ok with that. The other thing I really worried about was the reaction of my parents and in-laws. I had scarcely told them that we were expecting a brand new grandchild, then I tell them that I might be moving before that grandchild is even born. I am thinking that this is even more difficult for Claire's parents, considering that this is their first grandchild, but so far everyone has been very supportive.

I have spent the entire weekend getting ahead of myself. Again, the only indication that I've had that I have any chance of getting this job is that the Director over my area didn't shoot me down when we talked about it. The CEO of Chrysalis asked the Directors of the several areas in Utah and Nevada to have informal interviews with anyone expressing interest in the associate director positions. I guess he's trying to start sorting through applicants before he even starts getting resumes by email. So I had a chat with the director, my supervisor's boss, about the possibility of getting this promotion. He asked about my schooling, whether I was renting or owned a home, guaging my ability to relocate. We also talked about the position and the kind of requirements of the associate director in that area. Chris told me that they were looking less for a particular skill set or points on a resume, and more for a certain personality. I didn't say it outloud, but as he told me what they wanted to see, I thought "They're looking for someone like me. Chris told me that he would mention my interest, especially in the Carson City position, to the CEO and do whatever he could to get me an interview.

Since then I have spent my time researching Carson City, the demographics and history, as well as my potential future boss. Apparently, he also studied at USU, and worked for Chrysalis in the Logan program. He was also a Sterling Scholar finalist in Social Science at his High school in '99. I Googled him. I thought it would be beneficial to know as much as I could about the person that would be my interviewer and boss. I was very pleased to find that he and I had so much in common. I have found an apartment that Claire and I could move into, and put together a budget based on what I will be making. I figured out how far the apartment is from the office I would be in. I looked into golf courses and sushi restaraunts in the city. I have been thinking about what it will be like to live there and do this job. I have spent the last week getting ahead of myself.

I really don't know what is in my future, whether Heavenly Father wants me to go to Nevada, or to stick around here for a while longer. But either way, I know that he's going to be taking care of me.

One of the things that I realized very quickly after starting this blogging project is that , like any project, effort is involved. Especially if you want to write informed opinions about a specific topic, like films. And that in order to review films, you have to be willing to spend money to go and see films. There are several reasons that I have considered abandoning this blog and simply starting from scratch with another. Suffice it to say, its nothing like Julie and Julia.

The only reason that I decided to keep the title as I continue with the blogging project is because it seemed important to remember where it all started. Its far too easy to go about your days, taking care of your responsibilities and forgetting to step back and see where life is taking you. Its like a long highway, you get on at Salt Lake and you figure, I'm heading South, so I should end up in Arizona, right? Before you know it your in Las Vegas and you don't know quite how it happened.

So, I look at my life, trying to figure out how I went from getting fired from a position stocking frozen waffles, to where I am now. And the even more puzzling question is "Is this road taking me to Carson City?"

When I came back to the blogging website and realized that it had been nearly a half year since I had posted, I had a jolt of fear shoot through me. I once read a routine by a comedian (or it might have been someone else that was not a comedian) who talked about a humorously pathetic individual who had a blog with only three posts, all apologizing for not posting more often. I don't want to be that person. So no apologies.

I carefully considered the blogging project that lasted a whole hour, until my attention span ran out. It was almost embarrassing that I had lost interest in it so quickly. I thought about erasing the blog and trying to delete all evidence that I had ever started it. But I couldn't figure out how to do that...so I didn't.

I have actually been doing some writing. I don't often have a blank piece of paper, or a pen, or a cohesive thought to write down. But, coincidentally I have found myself in possession of all three of those items a number of times in the past few weeks, and written some musings on my life and thoughts. Alright, I stole that from John Knowles. I admit it. We can move on now.

The point is that its not important what you say, or how often you have something to say, or even that the title of your blog has no bearing on what you find yourself typing about at any given time. The important thing is that you say something.

In conclusion... Avatar was way overrated.

To blog or not to blog?

For me that has always been the question. Along with "how many times are you going to use over used Shakespearean allusions?" I don't think the old bloke will mind.

As the weather turns increasingly colder, I think about what brought me to log my thoughts on a computer. What did my thoughts and ideas ever do to me, that I would imprison them in a place where I don't even know if anyone will ever visit them leaving them cold, in the dark? Don't panic, I promise that this isn't going to be an emo blog. Despite that, the one thing that has kept me from starting a weblog is the fact that I have thought that nobody would be interested in reading what I have to say.

The real reason that I had even considered it, is that every time I muse out loud about what my future and career may bring, the first question is always the same, "What are you interested in?"
"I'm into movies. Its one of the things that I really love"
"Well! Then you should be a movie critic or something!"
"Yeah, right, like anyone wants to read what I think."
"Why not? You should go for it."
"I wouldn't even know how to start."
"Start with a blog"

So here I am.

This exact conversation, with little deviation has played out many times. So I finally caved in and went to start a blog. The idea is that I will write primarily about one of the things that I know best and love the most, relatively contemporary English language cinema. I hope to talk little about myself, and focus mainly on the art. There are more films out there than any one person could possibly watch, let lone write about in their spare time. So I will be trying to find a good way of organizing what movies, both new and old, I want to review and discuss.

There are some movies that are classic and timeless, that are so popular, so well known, that it doesn't merit writing about, the subject is academic. "The Princess Bride" (which I have playing on another browser window) is one example. It is one thing to have well known actors in minor roles, such as those played by Wallace Sean and Billy Crystal, but for each character performance to be so memorable, so imaginative as Vizzini and Miracle Max, that is one element that makes a great film. I'm not going to elaborate any further, but the movie is wonderfully crafted and, for me, a classic that I grew up with.

I'm going to try to look at movies that have been overlooked as great works of art. I'm going to expose bad movies masquerading as summer blockbusters. I'm going to hinder the progress of remakes that embarass their predecessors. And I'll probably visit some movies that I just love to talk about.

Remember, I'm not here to find people who necessarily agree with me, just to express ideas. I don't need anyone telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm perfectly aware of that. So haters to the left.

-The Watcher